


Girls Don't Want Boys, Girls Want Pies (Or the story of how Young Ned got adopted by a school full of criminal females)

by Queer_Queen



Series: St Trinian's/Pushing Daises Crossovers [1]
Category: Pushing Daisies, St Trinian's (2007)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Fluff, Gen, Kid Fic, Kid Ned, Ned is healed through strong women, ned's dad is a douche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 21:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3911797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queer_Queen/pseuds/Queer_Queen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Young Ned is sent to the wrong school due to a mistake at the post office (and his awful father).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Girls Don't Want Boys, Girls Want Pies (Or the story of how Young Ned got adopted by a school full of criminal females)

In the town of Coeur d'Coeurs lived a young boy named Ned who was nine years, twenty seven weeks, six days and eight hours old. He was happy living with his mother and father across the street from his childhood sweetheart named Chuck. But that would not last for long because his mother, who had died earlier that day from a popped blood vessel, was coming upstairs to tuck him into bed. Now in any other family this would not result in the loss of a family but young Ned was special; he could bring back the dead. One touch life … another touch and they were dead again, forever.

So young Ned’s mother tucked him into bed and gave him a kiss and Ned’s power worked it’s magic killing her instantly.

 As Ned tried to revive his mother far away a woman was trying to revive her star hockey player, wit much less disastrous results.

 The girl was much older than Ned, being sixteen years, eight months and twelve hours old, she was also very far away from Ned being four thousand, five hundred and seventy two miles away from Coeur d’Coeurs. The girls name was Annabelle Lealle Fritton and she had been at the young ladies school St. Trinian’s for two weeks and five days. You see Annabelle’s father had left her at St. Trininian’s so he could continue his life of expensive art and cheap wine without having to worry about her school fees, not that she knew that. Annabelle was still devoted to her father, much like young Ned was.

Thankfully both of their lives got better when the post office mixed up the father’s request for his son’s boarding house.

Geoffrey Swinkle, letter inspector of Kansas State Post Office was having a rather bad day and because of this bad day spilled coffee over a large number of letters he was inspecting and because he did not want to be fired he rewrote them. When he came to the letter from Ned’s father to the matron of St. Trillion’s boarding house for unruly boy’s he easily replaced the ‘l’ with an ‘n’ and pretended he did not notice that St. Trillion’s boarding house was in America and St. Trinian’s Ladies’ college was in England. He was having a rather bad day.

 So letter sent Geoffrey Swinkle of Kansas State Post Office went on with his day, hoping that his wife had made beef roast for dinner rather than chicken.

 The letter took express delivery all the way to St. Trinian’s and was found by the secretary, Beverly, who was very tired from her weekend partying signed off with a simple ‘sure’ and sent it on it’s way back to America.

 When Ned’s father received the letter he noticed that the address was wrong, but he didn’t want to continue to live with the reminder of his wife that his son was so he packed Ned’s bags and sent him to England.

This left Ned thoroughly unprepared and it was only the help of a very kind flight attendant and a cabbie who, while he wouldn’t enter St. Trinian’s, did take Ned all the way there. This left Ned standing outside St. Trinian’s, his mother was dead, his father had abandoned him (although Ned did not know this yet), and his dog Digby was nowhere to be seen.

(Digby was currently swimming the North Atlantic Sea, after all he was immortal now and the constraints of mortal dogs no longer held him, and Digby was determined to return to Ned.)

Young Ned had nothing to do now but pull his old suitcase (full of clothes and baking supplies) up the drive towards St. Trinian’s College for Young Ladies. 

…

The Geeks were at an impasse. There was a boy dragging his suitcase up St. Trinian’s driveway. A young boy. He clearly wasn’t a teacher, so the First Years couldn’t get him, but he wasn’t a student either, meaning they couldn’t intimidate him. Could he be a relative perhaps? But no, his face didn’t identify with any of the scans of current students.

Polly, current head of the Geeks, knew she had to make an executive decision. They couldn’t let a _boy_ enter their territory without doing something. Humming she tapped out a few commands into her keyboard, half her brain imagining what the cook would be making for lunch today.

Seeing he was halfway along the driveway she pulled her mic to her mouth, “First Years positions please. Possible hostile.” She waited as she heard hurried footsteps. When they were in position she said, “Open Fire.”

…

Young Ned entered the atrium of St. Trinian’s, he was nine years, twenty eight weeks and twelve minutes old, but he felt that a few years had been added. He was soaking wet and covered in feathers, as was his luggage. He was far away from home, his mother was dead, his father had was gone him and Digby was probably in Coeur d’Coeurs, having fun with his sweetheart, Chuck.

(Digby had actually managed to get onto a small fishing vessel heading for France and was quite pleased with himself for finding a form of human transport which would get him to his owner.)

So he did what any nine year, twenty eight week and twelve minute old would do who had just lost his mother and was in a new place where he knew no one. He cried.

Luckily young Ned’s small sobs reached the kindly, if a bit hungover, Secretary Beverly who took one look at him and rushed over to her desk.

“Mrs. Fritton!” There was no answer. Young Ned continued to cry. “Mrs. Fritton there’s a boy here!”

This caught Mrs. Fritton’s interest, “A boy, you say, whatever for?”

“I don’t know ma’am, but he’s wetter than … anyway he’s ‘ere and he’s cryin’. Could you come down?”

So this was how Principal Camilla Fritton, whose age is none of your business, met Young Ned and brought the rather distraught boy up to her office.

When asked why he was there he simply handed her the letter that his father had given him before putting him on a place twenty three hours and five minutes ago.

Inside was a letter and a cheque for five thousand dollars. The letter itself was uninspiring and immediately set a deep anger for young Ned’s father in Mrs. Fritton’s bosom. Now Mrs. Fritton wasn’t usually money obsessed like her damn brother, but the school was currently going through a rough patch at the moment so she easily accepted this one instance. Looks like the school would temporarily be co-ed.

Mrs. Fritton thought that the girls wouldn’t mind.

…

“THERE’S A BOY IN **OUR** SCHOOL?!?”

Unlike how Mrs. Fritton hoped the girls did mind. And the general consensus was that the girls minded very much. Annabelle Fritton didn’t mind that much, after all she had been to co-ed schools before. Boys weren’t that bad. Especially young ones, they were usually cute and quiet.

“Mrs. Fritton says that he’ll be the only one.”

“Aww I was hoping for some older ones.”

“Shut up Peaches, just because you and the Totties want some boy toys doesn’t we want some boys changing our school up.”

“Well at least I don’t have any experience with young ones.”

“SHUT UP YOU –”

Kelly Jones, Head Girl, of course broke up the fight, “That is enough.”

“But she started-”

“I started? You -”

“SHUT UP. There is no use for us to complain about him. Mrs. Fritton says he’s here to stay and what Mrs. Fritton says is final.”

However despite the general upheaval the girls felt due to young Ned’s presence he didn’t change very much of the school.

He was in the First Year’s classes and they all reported him to be quiet, smart and sad. Because he was a boy he had his own room, away from the girl’s dorm, so the only activity they got there was from St. Trinian’s big brother. All the Geeks reported was that he slept early and cried.

Except tonight that would change.

Cassie, Polly’s protégé, rushed up, “Hey Kelly you better see this!”

“What?”

Kelly and Cassie walked quickly to the Geek’s station, “Earlier tonight he began unpacking his things. After a bit he gathered some stuff and left.”

The monitor showed the boy’s room was empty.

A finger pointed to where he was.

“Wait, why is he in the kitchen?”

…

Young Ned’s mother was dead, his father was gone and his dog Digby was nowhere to be seen.

(Digby was currently in Paris, looking for a way to cross the English Channel. He would be helped by a Parisian street cat hoping to get the dog who smelled like death out of her territory.)

So he did what he did with his mother, except without his mother. He made pies. Steadily moving from cutting board to mixing bowl Ned began his first pie. He thought that strawberry would be a good flavor. His mother’s strawberry pies were famous in their neighborhood.

Falling into the tedium of baking pies Ned let his mind wander. For several hours he pretended he was with his mother, with his back to her, baking pies. If he pretended very hard he would imagine her smell, like pie crust and cinnamon, and hear her laugh as she listened to the radio. When he was done imagining he looked around and noticed that every surface in the kitchen had pies on it.

How would he explain this?

…

In the Geek’s control room the girls watched in surprise as he cooked. After a while some girls drifted back to their nightly activities, with only a few girls still watching him.

“He’s throwing them away!”

Those words shook Kelly from her stupor, “What?”

“The pies he made, those delicious looking things, he looks like he’s going to throw them away!”

Polly and Kelly looked to each other before they headed the stampede to the kitchen.

They entered just as Ned held up the first pie over the bin.

There was this shocked silence before Kelly spoke, “How about we get rid of those pies, yeah?” Ned nodded shakily before handing the pie to Kelly, this created a rush in the kitchen for pies. This resulted in a small picnic within the kitchen as the students devoured young Ned’s pies and for once since his mother’s death Ned felt content. And then of course, when everything was going well, Mrs. Fritton and the teachers arrived and Ned knew he was in trouble. But …

“Well then lad, where are ours?”

…

A week later Digby arrived (after taking another boat and hijacking a car) and was pleased to find his master was very happy and there were a bunch of lovely young humans who could pet him without killing him.

…

Years later Ned woke Chuck and was only slightly less traumatized (after all he had been a part of the great Woman with Pearl Earring theft of 2007 and the mystery of the Fritton Gold of 2009 and … well let’s just say there were many adventures).

**Author's Note:**

> Put in Kansas because why not
> 
> England and Kansas are like 4,500 miles from each other
> 
> one shot
> 
> love St. Trinian's


End file.
